英語文章のメモ

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Current theories on the
creation of the universe state

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that if it were created
at all and didn't just start,

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as it were, unofficially,

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00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,440
it came into being about
14 billion years ago.

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The Earth is generally
supposed to be

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about 4 1/2 billion
years old.

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These dates are incorrect.

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Some medieval scholars
put the date of the creation
at 3760 BC.

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Others put creation
as far back as 5508 BC.

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Also, incorrect.

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Archbishop James Ussher

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claimed that the Heaven
and the Earth

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were created on Sunday,
the 21st of October, 4004 BC,

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at 9:00 a.m.

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This too was incorrect,

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by almost a quarter
of an hour.

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It was created at 9:13
in the morning.

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Which was correct.

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The whole business with
the fossilised
dinosaur skeletons

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was a joke the palaeontologists
haven't seen yet.

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This proves two things.

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Firstly, that God does not
play dice with the universe.

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I play an ineffable game
of my own devising.

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For everyone else,
it's like playing poker

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in a pitch-dark room,
for infinite stakes,

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with a dealer who won't
tell you the rules,

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and who smiles all the time.

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Secondly,
the Earth is a Libra.

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The entry for Libra
in The Tadfield Advertiser

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on the night our history
begins reads as follows:

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"You may be feeling rundown

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and always
in the same daily round.

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A friend is important to you.

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You may be vulnerable
to a stomach upset today,

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so avoid salads.

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Help could come from
an unexpected quarter."

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This was perfectly correct
on every count,

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except for the bit
about the salads.

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To understand the true
significance

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of what that means,

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we need to begin earlier.

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A little more than 6,000 years
earlier, to be precise.

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Just after the beginning.

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It starts, as it will end,
with a garden.

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In this case,
the Garden of Eden.

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And with an apple.

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Go on.

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This apple will give you...

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It was a nice day.

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All the days had been nice.

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There had been rather
more than seven of them so far,

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and rain hadn't
been invented yet.

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But the storm clouds
gathering east of Eden

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suggested that the first
thunderstorm was on its way.

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And it was going
to be a big one.

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Well, that went down
like a lead balloon.

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Sorry, what was that?

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I said, "Well, that went down
like a lead balloon."

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Yes, yes, it did, rather.

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Bit of an overreaction,
if you ask me.

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First offence
and everything.

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I can't see what's so bad

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about knowing the difference
between good and evil anyway.

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Well, it must be bad...

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-Crawley.
-...Crawley.

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Otherwise...

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you wouldn't have
tempted them into it.

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00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,040
Oh, they just said, "Get up
there and make some trouble."

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Well, obviously.
You're a demon.

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It's what you do.

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Not very subtle
of the Almighty, though.

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Fruit tree in the middle
of a garden

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with a "Don't Touch" sign.

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I mean, why not put it
on the top of a high mountain?

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Or on the moon?

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Makes you wonder
what God's really planning.

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Best not to speculate.

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It's all part
of the Great Plan.

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It's not for us
to understand.

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It's ineffable.

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The Great Plan's ineffable?

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Exactly.

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It is beyond understanding

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and incapable of being put
into words.

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Didn't you have
a flaming sword?

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-Uh...
-You did. It was
flaming like anything.

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What happened to it?

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Uh...

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Lost it already, have you?

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-Gave it away.
-You what?

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I gave it away.

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There are vicious animals.

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It's going to be cold out there.
And she's expecting already.

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And I said, "Here you go.
Flaming sword. Don't thank me.

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And don't let the sun
go down on you here."

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I do hope I didn't do
the wrong thing.

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Oh, you're an angel.

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I don't think you can
do the wrong thing.

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Oh, oh, thank--

100
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Oh, thank you.

101
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It's been bothering me.

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I've been worrying, too.

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What if I did
the right thing

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with the whole
"eat the apple" business?

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A demon can get
into a lot of trouble

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for doing the right thing.

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It'd be funny if we both
got it wrong, eh?

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If I did the good thing
and you did the bad one.

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No.

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It wouldn't
be funny at all.

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Well...

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Good Omens, being
a narrative of certain events

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occurring in the last 11 years
of human history,

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in strict accordance,
as shall be shown,

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with The Nice
and Accurate Prophecies

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of Agnes Nutter, Witch.

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It wasn't a dark
and stormy night.

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But, don't let the weather
fool you.

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Just because it's a mild night

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doesn't mean that the forces
of evil aren't abroad.

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They are.

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They are everywhere.

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Two demons lurk
at the edge of the graveyard.

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They are pacing themselves,

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and can lurk for the rest
of the night, if necessary.

126
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With still enough
sullen menace left

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for a final burst
of lurking around dawn.

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Bugger this for a lark.

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He should have been
waiting for us.

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Do you trust him?

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-Nope.
-Good.

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It'd be a funny old world
if demons went around

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trusting each other.

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What's he calling himself
up here these days?

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Crowley.

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Here he comes now,
the flash bastard.

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If you ask me,
he's been up here too long.

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Gone native.
Enjoying himself too much.

139
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Wearing sunglasses,
even when he doesn't need them.

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- All hail Satan.
- All hail Satan.

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Uh, hi, guys.
Sorry I'm late,

142
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but you know how it
is on the A40 at Denham.

143
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I tried to cut up
towards Chorleywood--

144
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Now that we art all here, let us
recount the deeds of the day.

145
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Of course.

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Deeds, yeah.

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I have tempted a priest.

148
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As he walked down the street,

149
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he saw all the pretty girls
in the sun.

150
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I put doubt into his mind.

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He would have been
a saint.

152
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Now, within a decade,
we shall have him.

153
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Yeah, nice one.

154
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I have corrupted a politician.

155
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Let him think that a tiny bribe
wouldn't hurt.

156
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Within a year,
we shall have him.

157
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Right, you'll like this.

158
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I brought down every London area
mobile phone network tonight.

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-Yeah?
-Yeah. It wasn't easy--

160
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And what exactly has that done
to secure souls for our master?

161
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Oh, come on,
think about it.

162
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Fifteen million
pissed-off people

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who take it out
on each other.

164
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It's not exactly...
craftsmanship.

165
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Well, head office
don't seem to mind.

166
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,400
They love me down there, guys.

167
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,520
Times are changing. So...

168
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,200
...what's up?

169
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This is.

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No.

171
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Yes.

172
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Already?

173
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,720
Yes.

174
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,280
And it's up to me to...?

175
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,440
Yes.

176
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You know, listen, it...

177
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...really isn't my scene.

178
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Your scene.

179
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Your starring role.

180
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Take it.

181
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Like you said,

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times are changing.

183
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They come to an end,
for a start.

184
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Why me?

185
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,960
Well, they love you
down there.

186
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,600
And what an opportunity.

187
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Ligur here would give
his right arm to be you tonight.

188
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,360
Or someone's right arm, anyway.

189
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Sign here.

190
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Now what?

191
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You will receive
your instructions.

192
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,920
And why so glum?

193
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,560
The moment we have been
working for all these centuries

194
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,800
is at hand.

195
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Centuries?

196
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,200
Our moment of
eternal triumph awaits.

197
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,800
Triumph.

198
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,480
And you will be a tool
of that glorious destiny.

199
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,880
Glorious tool. Yeah.

200
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,080
OK.

201
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,800
I'll, um, be off then.

202
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,400
Get it over with.

203
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,000
No, I want to get it over with,
obviously, but,

204
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,800
I'll be popping along.

205
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,800
Great. Fine. Yeah.

206
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,240
Ciao!

207
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,640
What's that mean?

208
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,560
"Ciao", it's Italian.

209
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,320
It means "food".

210
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,720
Crowley was all in favour
of Armageddon in general terms.

211
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,960
But it was one thing to work
to bring it about,

212
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,920
and quite another
for it to actually happen.

213
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,320
- Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit!
- When Queen

214
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,560
released "Bohemian Rhapsody"...

215
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,000
Shit, shit, shit! Why me?

216
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,920
...in 1975, it was because--

217
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,640
You earned it,
Crowley, didn't you?

218
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:25,160
What you did to the M25
was a stroke of demonic
genius, darling.

219
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,240
The M25? Yeah, well...

220
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,200
Yeah, I'm glad it went down
so well.

221
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:30,680
Here are your instructions.

222
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,960
This is the big one, Crowley.

223
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,840
Mmm.

224
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,280
-Mind if I join you?
-Gabriel?

225
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,640
What an unexpected
pleasure.

226
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:15,880
It's been...

227
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,040
Quite a while, yes.

228
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,040
Why do you
consume that?

229
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,720
You're an angel.

230
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,280
It's sushi.

231
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,560
It's nice.

232
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,800
You dip it in soy sauce.

233
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,440
It's what humans do.

234
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,840
And if I am going to be
living here among them,

235
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,000
ahem, well, keeping up
appearances.

236
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,120
-Tea?
-I do not sully the temple

237
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,120
of my celestial body
with gross matter.

238
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,920
Obviously not.

239
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,400
-Nice suit.
-Yes, I like the clothes.

240
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,240
Pity they won't be around
much longer.

241
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,680
They won't?

242
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,880
We have reliable information

243
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,560
that things... are afoot.

244
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,040
-They are?
-Yes.

245
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,120
My informant suggests
that the demon...Crowley

246
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,200
may be involved.

247
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,080
You need to keep him
under observation

248
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,640
without, of course, letting him
know that's what you're doing.

249
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,080
I do know, yes.
I've been on Earth doing this

250
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,120
-since the beginning.
-So has Crowley.

251
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,120
It's a miracle
he hasn't spotted you yet.

252
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,400
Yes, I know.

253
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,560
Miracles are what we do.

254
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,320
Meet Deirdre and Arthur Young.

255
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,560
They live in the Oxfordshire
village of Tadfield.

256
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,000
Are we there yet,
Arthur?

257
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,200
I'm four minutes apart.

258
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,960
It's definitely
this way.

259
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,040
It's just the roads
look all different in the dark.

260
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,560
The nuns
said to come in

261
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,520
when they were four to five
minutes apart.

262
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,080
It's just an...

263
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,480
Oh, do we have
any egg and cress sandwiches?

264
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,640
Oh.

265
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,560
Oh!

266
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,200
Meet Harriet Dowling

267
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,080
and her husband, American
diplomat Thaddeus Dowling.

268
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,520
Breathe, honey. Just breathe.

269
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,400
I am breathing,
goddamn it, Tad!

270
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,360
-Why aren't you here?
-Honey, I'm with you.

271
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,360
I'm with you. I'm just also
here with the President.

272
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,520
Hey, Harriet, sorry we
had to borrow your husband.

273
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,720
Birth is the single
most joyous

274
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,680
co-experience that two human
beings can share,

275
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,480
and I'm not going to miss
a second of it.

276
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,520
Tad, if we could get
back to the matter at hand.

277
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,280
I'll get back to you, honey.

278
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,760
You're meant to be with me,
you useless son of a bi--

279
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,000
At some point
this evening,

280
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,440
Mrs Dowling will arrive.

281
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,160
She will undoubtedly have
Secret Service agents with her.

282
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,880
You are all to ensure that
they see nothing untoward.

283
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960
Sister Theresa and I will
deliver the Dowlings' child

284
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,920
in room four.

285
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,480
Once he has been born,

286
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:52,040
we will remove the baby boy
from the mother...

287
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,880
and give her back
our master's child.

288
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,520
Everything is ready.

289
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,520
Tonight, it begins.

290
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,800
Sister Mary Loquacious?

291
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,640
Yes, excuse me,
Mother Superior,

292
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,560
I was wondering where the other
baby was going to come from?

293
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,680
Not the American baby.
I mean, that's obvious.

294
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,080
It's just the birds
and the bees.

295
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,040
But, you know, the, um...

296
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,200
Master Crowley
is on his way

297
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,440
with our dark lord-to-be,
Sister Mary.

298
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,680
We do not need
to know more than that.

299
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,640
We are Satanic nuns

300
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,000
of the Chattering Order
of St Beryl.

301
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,720
And tonight is what our order
was created for.

302
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,320
Sister Grace,

303
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,320
you are on duty reception.

304
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,320
Sisters Maria Verbose
and Katherine Prolix,

305
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,400
you will assist
Sister Theresa.

306
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,600
The rest of you
know your duties.

307
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,840
Oh, it's an ambulance!

308
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,440
Places.

309
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,560
Excuse me,
Mother Superior.

310
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,280
I didn't get a job.
Probably an oversight.

311
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,160
Yes, of course.

312
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,960
You could make sure
there are biscuits.

313
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,600
The kind with pink icing.

314
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,000
I think we had a tin
in the convent larder.

315
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,400
Clear.

316
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,640
-Breathe, dear, breathe.
-I am breathing. Oh, God!

317
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,280
Excuse me.
Deirdre Young.

318
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,960
Contractions are now four--
four minutes apart!

319
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,440
Oh!

320
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,160
Welcome to St Beryl's,
Mrs Young.

321
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,760
We weren't expecting you
till next week.

322
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,480
Now, Arthur will be with me
while I'm in labour.

323
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,560
I'm afraid not.

324
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,480
We believe that
fathers just, uh,

325
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,480
complicate the process
for everybody.

326
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,320
We'll let him know
when to come up.

327
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,080
Well, I'm not going
to argue with nuns.

328
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,760
Nurses know what they're doing,
Deirdre.

329
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,520
I'll see you when it's--

330
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,960
She'll be in room three.

331
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,160
Right.

332
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:17,280
Good-- Good luck.

333
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,560
It may help
to understand human affairs

334
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,800
to know that most of
the great triumphs and
tragedies of history

335
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,040
are caused not by people being
fundamentally good

336
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,680
or fundamentally bad,

337
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,280
but by people being
fundamentally people.

338
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,800
You've left your lights on.

339
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,520
Oh.

340
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,880
Well, that's clever.

341
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,800
-It is infrared?
-Has it started yet?

342
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,040
-Um... they made me go out.
-Any idea how long we've got?

343
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,400
I think we were
getting on with it, doctor.

344
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,960
Got it. What room is she in?

345
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,640
-We're in room three.
-Room three, got it.

346
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,160
There's a trick they do
with three playing cards

347
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,800
which is very hard to follow.

348
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,720
And something like it,
for greater stakes

349
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,320
than a handful of loose change,
is about to take place.

350
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,200
Deirdre Young is
in delivery room three.

351
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,560
She has just given birth
to a golden-haired male baby

352
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,400
we will call "Baby A".

353
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,280
Harriet Dowling is giving birth
in delivery room four.

354
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,240
She is having
a golden-haired male baby

355
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,400
we will call "Baby B".

356
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,560
Psst.

357
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,800
Sister Mary Loquacious
is about to be handed

358
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,560
a golden-haired male baby
we will call "The Adversary,

359
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,400
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,

360
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,000
Prince of This World
and Lord of Darkness."

361
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,880
-Is that him?
-Yup.

362
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,800
Only I'd expected
funny eyes,

363
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,040
or teensy-weensy
little hoofikins.

364
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,280
Or a wittle tail.

365
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,640
It's definitely him.

366
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,520
Fancy me holding
the Antichrist.

367
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,760
Counting his little
toesie-woesies.

368
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,880
Do you look like your daddy?

369
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,200
I bet he does.

370
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,920
Do you look like
your daddy-waddykins?

371
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,800
He doesn't.
Take him up to room three.

372
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,880
Room three. Do you think he'll
remember me when he grows up?

373
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,880
Pray that he doesn't.

374
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,920
Three babies.

375
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,720
Watch carefully.

376
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,080
Round and round they go.

377
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,760
Sister Mary,
what are you doing here?

378
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,560
Shouldn't you be taking
biscuits to the refectory?

379
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,480
Master Crowley said
to take the baby to room three.

380
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,240
Well, get on with it, then.

381
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,240
Has it happened yet?

382
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,040
I'm the father.
The husband. Both.

383
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,320
Oh, yes. Congratulations.

384
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,280
Your lady wife's asleep,
poor pet.

385
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,080
Twins? What?

386
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,240
Nobody said anything
about twins.

387
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,160
Oh, no, no.
This one's yours.

388
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,000
That one's... someone else's.

389
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,800
Just looking after him.

390
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:35,400
No, no, this one is definitely
yours, your ambassadorship,

391
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,800
from the top of his head to
the tips of his hoofy-woofies...

392
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,200
-which he hasn't got.
-Oh.

393
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,080
All, uh, ahem,
present and correct, is he?

394
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,240
Oh, yes. He's normal.
Very, very normal.

395
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,800
A boy!

396
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,640
Mr President.

397
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,840
I have the honour, sir,
to report myself the father

398
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,680
of a regular
Y-chromosomed son.

399
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,000
Now, we just have to take him
away for a minute to weigh him

400
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,640
and the usual.

401
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,400
This father-of-a-male-boy-son

402
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,280
is all yours,
Mr President.

403
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,760
Harriet. Yes!

404
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,440
Where's the baby?

405
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,120
Satan, give me strength.

406
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,960
Do you know where
our master's child is?

407
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,920
Sister Mary Loquacious has him
in room three.

408
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,640
Now, we call these biscuits.

409
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,240
But you'll be looking at them
and going, "Oh, cookies."

410
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,120
I call them biscuits.

411
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,840
As methods
of human communication go,

412
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,800
the human wink
is quite versatile.

413
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,120
For example,
Sister Theresa's meant...

414
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,720
Where the hell
have you been?

415
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,480
We're ready
to make the switch,

416
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,120
and here's you in the wrong room
with the Adversary,

417
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,480
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,

418
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,720
Prince of This World,
Lord of Darkness, drinking tea.

419
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,320
And as far
as she was concerned,

420
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,160
Sister Mary's answering wink
meant...

421
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,800
This child is the Adversary,

422
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,800
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,

423
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,040
Prince of This World
and Lord of Darkness.

424
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,520
But I can't talk now, because
there's this outsider here.

425
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,520
Sister Mary,
on the other hand,

426
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,040
had thought that
Sister Theresa's wink

427
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:20,520
was more on the lines of...

428
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,200
Well done, that,
Sister Mary.

429
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,080
Switched over the babies
all by herself.

430
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,560
Now, indicate to me
the superfluous child,

431
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,880
and I shall remove it
and let you get on with your tea

432
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,520
with His Royal Excellency,
the American ambassador.

433
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,800
Extra baby removal.

434
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,320
But I'm wittering on.

435
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,200
Where were you before
you took up this appointment?

436
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,520
Swindon.

437
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,200
Ohh!

438
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,600
Here's your little man back,
all cleaned up and weighed.

439
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,640
Look, honey. Our son.

440
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,000
He's beautiful, hon.

441
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,880
What a little tyke, huh?

442
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,040
Oh...

443
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,880
Seeing him makes me
understand

444
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,920
what's important in life.

445
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,560
It's not work.

446
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,560
I'm going to teach him
to play baseball.

447
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,400
And on Sundays,
we'll go fishing.

448
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,600
Tad!

449
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,720
Sorry, honey,
we'll call you back.

450
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,680
You must name the child.

451
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,000
Well, we were going
to name him Thaddeus,

452
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,000
after his dad
and his dad's dad.

453
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,640
Damien's an excellent name.

454
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,040
Damien Dowling?

455
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,880
Too alliterative.

456
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:36,800
Warlock, then.

457
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,680
It's an old English name.

458
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,480
A good name.

459
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,000
Hello, Warlock.

460
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,000
Damien?

461
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,720
No. I'd always fancied
something more,

462
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,680
well, traditional.

463
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,680
We've always gone in for good,
simple names

464
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,600
in our family.

465
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:03,880
Cain.

466
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,840
Very modern sound,
Cain, really.

467
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,320
Well, there's always...

468
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,800
I mean, there's always Adam.

469
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,840
Adam?

470
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,760
Hmm.

471
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:20,800
Adam.

472
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:23,960
Oh!

473
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,680
Ooh.

474
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,640
Come on, little one.

475
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,160
Do you know,
Deirdre, um...

476
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,560
I think he looks
like an Adam.

477
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,120
Oh.

478
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,080
Hello, Adam.

479
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:41,760
It would be nice
to think that the nuns

480
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,400
had the surplus baby
discreetly adopted.

481
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,760
That he grew to be
a happy, normal child,

482
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,400
and then grew further
to become a normal,

483
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,360
fairly contented adult.

484
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,560
And, perhaps, that is
what happened.

485
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,080
He probably wins prizes
for his tropical fish.

486
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,480
Call Aziraphale.

487
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,280
Calling Aziraphale.

488
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,320
Sorry,
all lines to London

489
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:09,680
are currently busy.

490
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,000
I'm afraid we're quite
definitely closed.

491
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,080
Aziraphale, it's me.

492
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,080
- We need to talk.
- Yes.

493
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,480
Yes, I rather think we do.

494
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,120
I assume this is about--

495
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,840
Armageddon. Yes.

496
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,760
Everyone knows
the best place

497
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,920
for a clandestine meeting
in London

498
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,440
is, and always has been,
St James's Park.

499
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,400
They say the ducks are so used
to being fed by secret agents

500
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,160
that they've developed
Pavlovian reactions to them.