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posted by fanblog

2021年01月18日

Good Omens : S01E01 part1

1
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,000
Current theories on the
creation of the universe state

2
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,280
that if it were created
at all and didn't just start,

3
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:19,880
as it were, unofficially,

4
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,440
it came into being about
14 billion years ago.

5
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,040
The Earth is generally
supposed to be

6
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,560
about 4 1/2 billion
years old.

7
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,840
These dates are incorrect.

8
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:34,000
Some medieval scholars
put the date of the creation
at 3760 BC.

9
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,360
Others put creation
as far back as 5508 BC.

10
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,520
Also, incorrect.

11
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,080
Archbishop James Ussher

12
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,960
claimed that the Heaven
and the Earth

13
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,720
were created on Sunday,
the 21st of October, 4004 BC,

14
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,920
at 9:00 a.m.

15
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,600
This too was incorrect,

16
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,440
by almost a quarter
of an hour.

17
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,280
It was created at 9:13
in the morning.

18
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,440
Which was correct.

19
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,840
The whole business with
the fossilised
dinosaur skeletons

20
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,160
was a joke the palaeontologists
haven't seen yet.

21
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,040
This proves two things.

22
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,120
Firstly, that God does not
play dice with the universe.

23
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,920
I play an ineffable game
of my own devising.

24
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,200
For everyone else,
it's like playing poker

25
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,360
in a pitch-dark room,
for infinite stakes,

26
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,520
with a dealer who won't
tell you the rules,

27
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,120
and who smiles all the time.

28
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,040
Secondly,
the Earth is a Libra.

29
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,120
The entry for Libra
in The Tadfield Advertiser

30
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,440
on the night our history
begins reads as follows:

31
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:37,760
"You may be feeling rundown

32
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,720
and always
in the same daily round.

33
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,680
A friend is important to you.

34
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,440
You may be vulnerable
to a stomach upset today,

35
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,840
so avoid salads.

36
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,240
Help could come from
an unexpected quarter."

37
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,560
This was perfectly correct
on every count,

38
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,640
except for the bit
about the salads.

39
00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,600
To understand the true
significance

40
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:00,960
of what that means,

41
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,760
we need to begin earlier.

42
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,160
A little more than 6,000 years
earlier, to be precise.

43
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,320
Just after the beginning.

44
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:12,440
It starts, as it will end,
with a garden.

45
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,760
In this case,
the Garden of Eden.

46
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,880
And with an apple.

47
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,320
Go on.

48
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,400
This apple will give you...

49
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,440
It was a nice day.

50
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,320
All the days had been nice.

51
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,800
There had been rather
more than seven of them so far,

52
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,680
and rain hadn't
been invented yet.

53
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,680
But the storm clouds
gathering east of Eden

54
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,280
suggested that the first
thunderstorm was on its way.

55
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,080
And it was going
to be a big one.

56
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,240
Well, that went down
like a lead balloon.

57
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,040
Sorry, what was that?

58
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,280
I said, "Well, that went down
like a lead balloon."

59
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:43,400
Yes, yes, it did, rather.

60
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,120
Bit of an overreaction,
if you ask me.

61
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,680
First offence
and everything.

62
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,480
I can't see what's so bad

63
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,160
about knowing the difference
between good and evil anyway.

64
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,720
Well, it must be bad...

65
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,760
-Crawley.
-...Crawley.

66
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,320
Otherwise...

67
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,680
you wouldn't have
tempted them into it.

68
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,040
Oh, they just said, "Get up
there and make some trouble."

69
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,760
Well, obviously.
You're a demon.

70
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,360
It's what you do.

71
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,320
Not very subtle
of the Almighty, though.

72
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,720
Fruit tree in the middle
of a garden

73
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,480
with a "Don't Touch" sign.

74
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,800
I mean, why not put it
on the top of a high mountain?

75
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,640
Or on the moon?

76
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,200
Makes you wonder
what God's really planning.

77
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,680
Best not to speculate.

78
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,920
It's all part
of the Great Plan.

79
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,360
It's not for us
to understand.

80
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,800
It's ineffable.

81
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,920
The Great Plan's ineffable?

82
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,240
Exactly.

83
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,240
It is beyond understanding

84
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,360
and incapable of being put
into words.

85
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,440
Didn't you have
a flaming sword?

86
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,680
-Uh...
-You did. It was
flaming like anything.

87
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,080
What happened to it?

88
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,800
Uh...

89
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,040
Lost it already, have you?

90
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,880
-Gave it away.
-You what?

91
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,640
I gave it away.

92
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,560
There are vicious animals.

93
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,560
It's going to be cold out there.
And she's expecting already.

94
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,920
And I said, "Here you go.
Flaming sword. Don't thank me.

95
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,680
And don't let the sun
go down on you here."

96
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,560
I do hope I didn't do
the wrong thing.

97
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,200
Oh, you're an angel.

98
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,480
I don't think you can
do the wrong thing.

99
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,360
Oh, oh, thank--

100
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,000
Oh, thank you.

101
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,520
It's been bothering me.

102
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,120
I've been worrying, too.

103
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,680
What if I did
the right thing

104
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,520
with the whole
"eat the apple" business?

105
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:31,640
A demon can get
into a lot of trouble

106
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,320
for doing the right thing.

107
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,360
It'd be funny if we both
got it wrong, eh?

108
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,960
If I did the good thing
and you did the bad one.

109
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,000
No.

110
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,000
It wouldn't
be funny at all.

111
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,760
Well...

112
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,160
Good Omens, being
a narrative of certain events

113
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,760
occurring in the last 11 years
of human history,

114
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,080
in strict accordance,
as shall be shown,

115
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,560
with The Nice
and Accurate Prophecies

116
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,200
of Agnes Nutter, Witch.

117
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,920
It wasn't a dark
and stormy night.

118
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,880
But, don't let the weather
fool you.

119
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,720
Just because it's a mild night

120
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,160
doesn't mean that the forces
of evil aren't abroad.

121
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,280
They are.

122
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,440
They are everywhere.

123
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,280
Two demons lurk
at the edge of the graveyard.

124
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,200
They are pacing themselves,

125
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,880
and can lurk for the rest
of the night, if necessary.

126
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,120
With still enough
sullen menace left

127
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,520
for a final burst
of lurking around dawn.

128
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,120
Bugger this for a lark.

129
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,360
He should have been
waiting for us.

130
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,600
Do you trust him?

131
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,760
-Nope.
-Good.

132
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,080
It'd be a funny old world
if demons went around

133
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,600
trusting each other.

134
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,520
What's he calling himself
up here these days?

135
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,880
Crowley.

136
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,360
Here he comes now,
the flash bastard.

137
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,520
If you ask me,
he's been up here too long.

138
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,200
Gone native.
Enjoying himself too much.

139
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,000
Wearing sunglasses,
even when he doesn't need them.

140
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,640
- All hail Satan.
- All hail Satan.

141
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,840
Uh, hi, guys.
Sorry I'm late,

142
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,760
but you know how it
is on the A40 at Denham.

143
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,600
I tried to cut up
towards Chorleywood--

144
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,760
Now that we art all here, let us
recount the deeds of the day.

145
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,320
Of course.

146
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,720
Deeds, yeah.

147
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,280
I have tempted a priest.

148
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,720
As he walked down the street,

149
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,440
he saw all the pretty girls
in the sun.

150
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,280
I put doubt into his mind.

151
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,760
He would have been
a saint.

152
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,360
Now, within a decade,
we shall have him.

153
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,520
Yeah, nice one.

154
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,720
I have corrupted a politician.

155
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:37,040
Let him think that a tiny bribe
wouldn't hurt.

156
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,120
Within a year,
we shall have him.

157
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,960
Right, you'll like this.

158
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:46,520
I brought down every London area
mobile phone network tonight.

159
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,880
-Yeah?
-Yeah. It wasn't easy--

160
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,640
And what exactly has that done
to secure souls for our master?

161
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,000
Oh, come on,
think about it.

162
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,520
Fifteen million
pissed-off people

163
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,880
who take it out
on each other.

164
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,600
It's not exactly...
craftsmanship.

165
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,440
Well, head office
don't seem to mind.

166
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,400
They love me down there, guys.

167
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,520
Times are changing. So...

168
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,200
...what's up?

169
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,120
This is.

170
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:18,960
No.

171
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,960
Yes.

172
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,120
Already?

173
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,720
Yes.

174
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,280
And it's up to me to...?

175
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,440
Yes.

176
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,600
You know, listen, it...

177
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,160
...really isn't my scene.

178
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,400
Your scene.

179
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,440
Your starring role.

180
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,720
Take it.

181
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,600
Like you said,

182
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,400
times are changing.

183
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,640
They come to an end,
for a start.

184
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,000
Why me?

185
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,960
Well, they love you
down there.

186
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,600
And what an opportunity.

187
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,320
Ligur here would give
his right arm to be you tonight.

188
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,360
Or someone's right arm, anyway.

189
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,800
Sign here.

190
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,400
Now what?

191
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,120
You will receive
your instructions.

192
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,920
And why so glum?

193
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,560
The moment we have been
working for all these centuries

194
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,800
is at hand.

195
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,240
Centuries?

196
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,200
Our moment of
eternal triumph awaits.

197
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,800
Triumph.

198
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,480
And you will be a tool
of that glorious destiny.

199
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,880
Glorious tool. Yeah.

200
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,080
OK.

201
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,800
I'll, um, be off then.

202
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,400
Get it over with.

203
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,000
No, I want to get it over with,
obviously, but,

204
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,800
I'll be popping along.

205
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,800
Great. Fine. Yeah.

206
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,240
Ciao!

207
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,640
What's that mean?

208
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,560
"Ciao", it's Italian.

209
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,320
It means "food".

210
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,720
Crowley was all in favour
of Armageddon in general terms.

211
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,960
But it was one thing to work
to bring it about,

212
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,920
and quite another
for it to actually happen.

213
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,320
- Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit!
- When Queen

214
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,560
released "Bohemian Rhapsody"...

215
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,000
Shit, shit, shit! Why me?

216
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,920
...in 1975, it was because--

217
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,640
You earned it,
Crowley, didn't you?

218
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:25,160
What you did to the M25
was a stroke of demonic
genius, darling.

219
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,240
The M25? Yeah, well...

220
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,200
Yeah, I'm glad it went down
so well.

221
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:30,680
Here are your instructions.

222
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,960
This is the big one, Crowley.

223
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,840
Mmm.

224
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,280
-Mind if I join you?
-Gabriel?

225
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,640
What an unexpected
pleasure.

226
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:15,880
It's been...

227
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,040
Quite a while, yes.

228
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,040
Why do you
consume that?

229
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,720
You're an angel.

230
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,280
It's sushi.

231
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,560
It's nice.

232
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,800
You dip it in soy sauce.

233
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,440
It's what humans do.

234
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,840
And if I am going to be
living here among them,

235
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,000
ahem, well, keeping up
appearances.

236
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,120
-Tea?
-I do not sully the temple

237
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,120
of my celestial body
with gross matter.

238
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,920
Obviously not.

239
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,400
-Nice suit.
-Yes, I like the clothes.

240
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,240
Pity they won't be around
much longer.

241
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,680
They won't?

242
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,880
We have reliable information

243
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,560
that things... are afoot.

244
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,040
-They are?
-Yes.

245
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,120
My informant suggests
that the demon...Crowley

246
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,200
may be involved.

247
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,080
You need to keep him
under observation

248
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,640
without, of course, letting him
know that's what you're doing.

249
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,080
I do know, yes.
I've been on Earth doing this

250
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,120
-since the beginning.
-So has Crowley.

251
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,120
It's a miracle
he hasn't spotted you yet.

252
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,400
Yes, I know.

253
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,560
Miracles are what we do.

254
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,320
Meet Deirdre and Arthur Young.

255
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,560
They live in the Oxfordshire
village of Tadfield.

256
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,000
Are we there yet,
Arthur?

257
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,200
I'm four minutes apart.

258
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,960
It's definitely
this way.

259
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,040
It's just the roads
look all different in the dark.

260
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,560
The nuns
said to come in

261
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,520
when they were four to five
minutes apart.

262
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,080
It's just an...

263
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,480
Oh, do we have
any egg and cress sandwiches?

264
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,640
Oh.

265
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,560
Oh!

266
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,200
Meet Harriet Dowling

267
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,080
and her husband, American
diplomat Thaddeus Dowling.

268
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,520
Breathe, honey. Just breathe.

269
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,400
I am breathing,
goddamn it, Tad!

270
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,360
-Why aren't you here?
-Honey, I'm with you.

271
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,360
I'm with you. I'm just also
here with the President.

272
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,520
Hey, Harriet, sorry we
had to borrow your husband.

273
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,720
Birth is the single
most joyous

274
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,680
co-experience that two human
beings can share,

275
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,480
and I'm not going to miss
a second of it.

276
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,520
Tad, if we could get
back to the matter at hand.

277
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,280
I'll get back to you, honey.

278
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,760
You're meant to be with me,
you useless son of a bi--

279
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,000
At some point
this evening,

280
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,440
Mrs Dowling will arrive.

281
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,160
She will undoubtedly have
Secret Service agents with her.

282
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,880
You are all to ensure that
they see nothing untoward.

283
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960
Sister Theresa and I will
deliver the Dowlings' child

284
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,920
in room four.

285
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,480
Once he has been born,

286
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:52,040
we will remove the baby boy
from the mother...

287
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,880
and give her back
our master's child.

288
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,520
Everything is ready.

289
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,520
Tonight, it begins.

290
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,800
Sister Mary Loquacious?

291
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,640
Yes, excuse me,
Mother Superior,

292
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,560
I was wondering where the other
baby was going to come from?

293
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,680
Not the American baby.
I mean, that's obvious.

294
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,080
It's just the birds
and the bees.

295
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,040
But, you know, the, um...

296
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,200
Master Crowley
is on his way

297
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,440
with our dark lord-to-be,
Sister Mary.

298
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,680
We do not need
to know more than that.

299
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,640
We are Satanic nuns

300
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,000
of the Chattering Order
of St Beryl.

301
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,720
And tonight is what our order
was created for.

302
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,320
Sister Grace,

303
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,320
you are on duty reception.

304
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,320
Sisters Maria Verbose
and Katherine Prolix,

305
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,400
you will assist
Sister Theresa.

306
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,600
The rest of you
know your duties.

307
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,840
Oh, it's an ambulance!

308
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,440
Places.

309
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,560
Excuse me,
Mother Superior.

310
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,280
I didn't get a job.
Probably an oversight.

311
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,160
Yes, of course.

312
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,960
You could make sure
there are biscuits.

313
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,600
The kind with pink icing.

314
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,000
I think we had a tin
in the convent larder.

315
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,400
Clear.

316
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,640
-Breathe, dear, breathe.
-I am breathing. Oh, God!

317
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,280
Excuse me.
Deirdre Young.

318
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,960
Contractions are now four--
four minutes apart!

319
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,440
Oh!

320
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,160
Welcome to St Beryl's,
Mrs Young.

321
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,760
We weren't expecting you
till next week.

322
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,480
Now, Arthur will be with me
while I'm in labour.

323
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,560
I'm afraid not.

324
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,480
We believe that
fathers just, uh,

325
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,480
complicate the process
for everybody.

326
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,320
We'll let him know
when to come up.

327
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,080
Well, I'm not going
to argue with nuns.

328
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,760
Nurses know what they're doing,
Deirdre.

329
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,520
I'll see you when it's--

330
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,960
She'll be in room three.

331
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,160
Right.

332
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:17,280
Good-- Good luck.

333
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,560
It may help
to understand human affairs

334
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,800
to know that most of
the great triumphs and
tragedies of history

335
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,040
are caused not by people being
fundamentally good

336
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,680
or fundamentally bad,

337
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,280
but by people being
fundamentally people.

338
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,800
You've left your lights on.

339
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,520
Oh.

340
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,880
Well, that's clever.

341
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,800
-It is infrared?
-Has it started yet?

342
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,040
-Um... they made me go out.
-Any idea how long we've got?

343
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,400
I think we were
getting on with it, doctor.

344
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,960
Got it. What room is she in?

345
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,640
-We're in room three.
-Room three, got it.

346
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,160
There's a trick they do
with three playing cards

347
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,800
which is very hard to follow.

348
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,720
And something like it,
for greater stakes

349
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,320
than a handful of loose change,
is about to take place.

350
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,200
Deirdre Young is
in delivery room three.

351
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,560
She has just given birth
to a golden-haired male baby

352
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,400
we will call "Baby A".

353
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,280
Harriet Dowling is giving birth
in delivery room four.

354
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,240
She is having
a golden-haired male baby

355
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,400
we will call "Baby B".

356
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,560
Psst.

357
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,800
Sister Mary Loquacious
is about to be handed

358
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,560
a golden-haired male baby
we will call "The Adversary,

359
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,400
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,

360
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,000
Prince of This World
and Lord of Darkness."

361
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,880
-Is that him?
-Yup.

362
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,800
Only I'd expected
funny eyes,

363
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,040
or teensy-weensy
little hoofikins.

364
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,280
Or a wittle tail.

365
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,640
It's definitely him.

366
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,520
Fancy me holding
the Antichrist.

367
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,760
Counting his little
toesie-woesies.

368
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,880
Do you look like your daddy?

369
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,200
I bet he does.

370
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,920
Do you look like
your daddy-waddykins?

371
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,800
He doesn't.
Take him up to room three.

372
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,880
Room three. Do you think he'll
remember me when he grows up?

373
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,880
Pray that he doesn't.

374
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,920
Three babies.

375
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,720
Watch carefully.

376
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,080
Round and round they go.

377
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,760
Sister Mary,
what are you doing here?

378
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,560
Shouldn't you be taking
biscuits to the refectory?

379
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,480
Master Crowley said
to take the baby to room three.

380
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,240
Well, get on with it, then.

381
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,240
Has it happened yet?

382
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,040
I'm the father.
The husband. Both.

383
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,320
Oh, yes. Congratulations.

384
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,280
Your lady wife's asleep,
poor pet.

385
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,080
Twins? What?

386
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,240
Nobody said anything
about twins.

387
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,160
Oh, no, no.
This one's yours.

388
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,000
That one's... someone else's.

389
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,800
Just looking after him.

390
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:35,400
No, no, this one is definitely
yours, your ambassadorship,

391
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,800
from the top of his head to
the tips of his hoofy-woofies...

392
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,200
-which he hasn't got.
-Oh.

393
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,080
All, uh, ahem,
present and correct, is he?

394
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,240
Oh, yes. He's normal.
Very, very normal.

395
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,800
A boy!

396
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,640
Mr President.

397
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,840
I have the honour, sir,
to report myself the father

398
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,680
of a regular
Y-chromosomed son.

399
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,000
Now, we just have to take him
away for a minute to weigh him

400
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,640
and the usual.

401
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,400
This father-of-a-male-boy-son

402
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,280
is all yours,
Mr President.

403
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,760
Harriet. Yes!

404
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,440
Where's the baby?

405
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,120
Satan, give me strength.

406
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,960
Do you know where
our master's child is?

407
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,920
Sister Mary Loquacious has him
in room three.

408
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,640
Now, we call these biscuits.

409
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,240
But you'll be looking at them
and going, "Oh, cookies."

410
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,120
I call them biscuits.

411
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,840
As methods
of human communication go,

412
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,800
the human wink
is quite versatile.

413
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,120
For example,
Sister Theresa's meant...

414
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,720
Where the hell
have you been?

415
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,480
We're ready
to make the switch,

416
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,120
and here's you in the wrong room
with the Adversary,

417
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,480
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,

418
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,720
Prince of This World,
Lord of Darkness, drinking tea.

419
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,320
And as far
as she was concerned,

420
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,160
Sister Mary's answering wink
meant...

421
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,800
This child is the Adversary,

422
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,800
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,

423
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,040
Prince of This World
and Lord of Darkness.

424
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,520
But I can't talk now, because
there's this outsider here.

425
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,520
Sister Mary,
on the other hand,

426
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,040
had thought that
Sister Theresa's wink

427
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:20,520
was more on the lines of...

428
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,200
Well done, that,
Sister Mary.

429
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,080
Switched over the babies
all by herself.

430
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,560
Now, indicate to me
the superfluous child,

431
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,880
and I shall remove it
and let you get on with your tea

432
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,520
with His Royal Excellency,
the American ambassador.

433
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,800
Extra baby removal.

434
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,320
But I'm wittering on.

435
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,200
Where were you before
you took up this appointment?

436
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,520
Swindon.

437
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,200
Ohh!

438
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,600
Here's your little man back,
all cleaned up and weighed.

439
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,640
Look, honey. Our son.

440
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,000
He's beautiful, hon.

441
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,880
What a little tyke, huh?

442
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,040
Oh...

443
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,880
Seeing him makes me
understand

444
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,920
what's important in life.

445
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,560
It's not work.

446
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,560
I'm going to teach him
to play baseball.

447
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,400
And on Sundays,
we'll go fishing.

448
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,600
Tad!

449
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,720
Sorry, honey,
we'll call you back.

450
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,680
You must name the child.

451
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,000
Well, we were going
to name him Thaddeus,

452
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,000
after his dad
and his dad's dad.

453
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,640
Damien's an excellent name.

454
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,040
Damien Dowling?

455
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,880
Too alliterative.

456
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:36,800
Warlock, then.

457
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,680
It's an old English name.

458
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,480
A good name.

459
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,000
Hello, Warlock.

460
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,000
Damien?

461
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,720
No. I'd always fancied
something more,

462
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,680
well, traditional.

463
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,680
We've always gone in for good,
simple names

464
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,600
in our family.

465
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:03,880
Cain.

466
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,840
Very modern sound,
Cain, really.

467
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,320
Well, there's always...

468
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,800
I mean, there's always Adam.

469
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,840
Adam?

470
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,760
Hmm.

471
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:20,800
Adam.

472
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:23,960
Oh!

473
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,680
Ooh.

474
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,640
Come on, little one.

475
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,160
Do you know,
Deirdre, um...

476
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,560
I think he looks
like an Adam.

477
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,120
Oh.

478
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,080
Hello, Adam.

479
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:41,760
It would be nice
to think that the nuns

480
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,400
had the surplus baby
discreetly adopted.

481
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,760
That he grew to be
a happy, normal child,

482
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,400
and then grew further
to become a normal,

483
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,360
fairly contented adult.

484
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,560
And, perhaps, that is
what happened.

485
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,080
He probably wins prizes
for his tropical fish.

486
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,480
Call Aziraphale.

487
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,280
Calling Aziraphale.

488
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,320
Sorry,
all lines to London

489
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:09,680
are currently busy.

490
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,000
I'm afraid we're quite
definitely closed.

491
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,080
Aziraphale, it's me.

492
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,080
- We need to talk.
- Yes.

493
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,480
Yes, I rather think we do.

494
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,120
I assume this is about--

495
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,840
Armageddon. Yes.

496
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,760
Everyone knows
the best place

497
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,920
for a clandestine meeting
in London

498
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,440
is, and always has been,
St James's Park.

499
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,400
They say the ducks are so used
to being fed by secret agents

500
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,160
that they've developed
Pavlovian reactions to them.
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一回しかでてこないような単語も なるべく覚えていきたいなぁ。。
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