新規記事の投稿を行うことで、非表示にすることが可能です。
2021年01月18日
Good Omens : S01E01 part1
1
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,000
Current theories on the
creation of the universe state
2
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,280
that if it were created
at all and didn't just start,
3
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:19,880
as it were, unofficially,
4
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,440
it came into being about
14 billion years ago.
5
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,040
The Earth is generally
supposed to be
6
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,560
about 4 1/2 billion
years old.
7
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,840
These dates are incorrect.
8
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:34,000
Some medieval scholars
put the date of the creation
at 3760 BC.
9
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,360
Others put creation
as far back as 5508 BC.
10
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,520
Also, incorrect.
11
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,080
Archbishop James Ussher
12
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,960
claimed that the Heaven
and the Earth
13
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,720
were created on Sunday,
the 21st of October, 4004 BC,
14
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,920
at 9:00 a.m.
15
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,600
This too was incorrect,
16
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,440
by almost a quarter
of an hour.
17
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,280
It was created at 9:13
in the morning.
18
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,440
Which was correct.
19
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,840
The whole business with
the fossilised
dinosaur skeletons
20
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,160
was a joke the palaeontologists
haven't seen yet.
21
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,040
This proves two things.
22
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,120
Firstly, that God does not
play dice with the universe.
23
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,920
I play an ineffable game
of my own devising.
24
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,200
For everyone else,
it's like playing poker
25
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,360
in a pitch-dark room,
for infinite stakes,
26
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,520
with a dealer who won't
tell you the rules,
27
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,120
and who smiles all the time.
28
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,040
Secondly,
the Earth is a Libra.
29
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,120
The entry for Libra
in The Tadfield Advertiser
30
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,440
on the night our history
begins reads as follows:
31
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:37,760
"You may be feeling rundown
32
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,720
and always
in the same daily round.
33
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,680
A friend is important to you.
34
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,440
You may be vulnerable
to a stomach upset today,
35
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,840
so avoid salads.
36
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,240
Help could come from
an unexpected quarter."
37
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,560
This was perfectly correct
on every count,
38
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,640
except for the bit
about the salads.
39
00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,600
To understand the true
significance
40
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:00,960
of what that means,
41
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,760
we need to begin earlier.
42
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,160
A little more than 6,000 years
earlier, to be precise.
43
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,320
Just after the beginning.
44
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:12,440
It starts, as it will end,
with a garden.
45
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,760
In this case,
the Garden of Eden.
46
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,880
And with an apple.
47
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,320
Go on.
48
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,400
This apple will give you...
49
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,440
It was a nice day.
50
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,320
All the days had been nice.
51
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,800
There had been rather
more than seven of them so far,
52
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,680
and rain hadn't
been invented yet.
53
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,680
But the storm clouds
gathering east of Eden
54
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,280
suggested that the first
thunderstorm was on its way.
55
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,080
And it was going
to be a big one.
56
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,240
Well, that went down
like a lead balloon.
57
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,040
Sorry, what was that?
58
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,280
I said, "Well, that went down
like a lead balloon."
59
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:43,400
Yes, yes, it did, rather.
60
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,120
Bit of an overreaction,
if you ask me.
61
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,680
First offence
and everything.
62
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,480
I can't see what's so bad
63
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,160
about knowing the difference
between good and evil anyway.
64
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,720
Well, it must be bad...
65
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,760
-Crawley.
-...Crawley.
66
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,320
Otherwise...
67
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,680
you wouldn't have
tempted them into it.
68
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,040
Oh, they just said, "Get up
there and make some trouble."
69
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,760
Well, obviously.
You're a demon.
70
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,360
It's what you do.
71
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,320
Not very subtle
of the Almighty, though.
72
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,720
Fruit tree in the middle
of a garden
73
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,480
with a "Don't Touch" sign.
74
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,800
I mean, why not put it
on the top of a high mountain?
75
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,640
Or on the moon?
76
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,200
Makes you wonder
what God's really planning.
77
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,680
Best not to speculate.
78
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,920
It's all part
of the Great Plan.
79
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,360
It's not for us
to understand.
80
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,800
It's ineffable.
81
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,920
The Great Plan's ineffable?
82
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,240
Exactly.
83
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,240
It is beyond understanding
84
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,360
and incapable of being put
into words.
85
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,440
Didn't you have
a flaming sword?
86
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,680
-Uh...
-You did. It was
flaming like anything.
87
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,080
What happened to it?
88
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,800
Uh...
89
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,040
Lost it already, have you?
90
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,880
-Gave it away.
-You what?
91
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,640
I gave it away.
92
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,560
There are vicious animals.
93
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,560
It's going to be cold out there.
And she's expecting already.
94
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,920
And I said, "Here you go.
Flaming sword. Don't thank me.
95
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,680
And don't let the sun
go down on you here."
96
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,560
I do hope I didn't do
the wrong thing.
97
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,200
Oh, you're an angel.
98
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,480
I don't think you can
do the wrong thing.
99
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,360
Oh, oh, thank--
100
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,000
Oh, thank you.
101
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,520
It's been bothering me.
102
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,120
I've been worrying, too.
103
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,680
What if I did
the right thing
104
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,520
with the whole
"eat the apple" business?
105
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:31,640
A demon can get
into a lot of trouble
106
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,320
for doing the right thing.
107
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,360
It'd be funny if we both
got it wrong, eh?
108
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,960
If I did the good thing
and you did the bad one.
109
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,000
No.
110
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,000
It wouldn't
be funny at all.
111
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,760
Well...
112
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,160
Good Omens, being
a narrative of certain events
113
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,760
occurring in the last 11 years
of human history,
114
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,080
in strict accordance,
as shall be shown,
115
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,560
with The Nice
and Accurate Prophecies
116
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,200
of Agnes Nutter, Witch.
117
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,920
It wasn't a dark
and stormy night.
118
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,880
But, don't let the weather
fool you.
119
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,720
Just because it's a mild night
120
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,160
doesn't mean that the forces
of evil aren't abroad.
121
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,280
They are.
122
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,440
They are everywhere.
123
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,280
Two demons lurk
at the edge of the graveyard.
124
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,200
They are pacing themselves,
125
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,880
and can lurk for the rest
of the night, if necessary.
126
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,120
With still enough
sullen menace left
127
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,520
for a final burst
of lurking around dawn.
128
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,120
Bugger this for a lark.
129
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,360
He should have been
waiting for us.
130
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,600
Do you trust him?
131
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,760
-Nope.
-Good.
132
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,080
It'd be a funny old world
if demons went around
133
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,600
trusting each other.
134
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,520
What's he calling himself
up here these days?
135
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,880
Crowley.
136
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,360
Here he comes now,
the flash bastard.
137
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,520
If you ask me,
he's been up here too long.
138
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,200
Gone native.
Enjoying himself too much.
139
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,000
Wearing sunglasses,
even when he doesn't need them.
140
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,640
- All hail Satan.
- All hail Satan.
141
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,840
Uh, hi, guys.
Sorry I'm late,
142
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,760
but you know how it
is on the A40 at Denham.
143
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,600
I tried to cut up
towards Chorleywood--
144
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,760
Now that we art all here, let us
recount the deeds of the day.
145
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,320
Of course.
146
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,720
Deeds, yeah.
147
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,280
I have tempted a priest.
148
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,720
As he walked down the street,
149
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,440
he saw all the pretty girls
in the sun.
150
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,280
I put doubt into his mind.
151
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,760
He would have been
a saint.
152
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,360
Now, within a decade,
we shall have him.
153
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,520
Yeah, nice one.
154
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,720
I have corrupted a politician.
155
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:37,040
Let him think that a tiny bribe
wouldn't hurt.
156
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,120
Within a year,
we shall have him.
157
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,960
Right, you'll like this.
158
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:46,520
I brought down every London area
mobile phone network tonight.
159
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,880
-Yeah?
-Yeah. It wasn't easy--
160
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,640
And what exactly has that done
to secure souls for our master?
161
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,000
Oh, come on,
think about it.
162
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,520
Fifteen million
pissed-off people
163
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,880
who take it out
on each other.
164
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,600
It's not exactly...
craftsmanship.
165
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,440
Well, head office
don't seem to mind.
166
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,400
They love me down there, guys.
167
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,520
Times are changing. So...
168
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,200
...what's up?
169
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,120
This is.
170
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:18,960
No.
171
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,960
Yes.
172
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,120
Already?
173
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,720
Yes.
174
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,280
And it's up to me to...?
175
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,440
Yes.
176
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,600
You know, listen, it...
177
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,160
...really isn't my scene.
178
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,400
Your scene.
179
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,440
Your starring role.
180
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,720
Take it.
181
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,600
Like you said,
182
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,400
times are changing.
183
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,640
They come to an end,
for a start.
184
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,000
Why me?
185
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,960
Well, they love you
down there.
186
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,600
And what an opportunity.
187
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,320
Ligur here would give
his right arm to be you tonight.
188
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,360
Or someone's right arm, anyway.
189
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,800
Sign here.
190
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,400
Now what?
191
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,120
You will receive
your instructions.
192
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,920
And why so glum?
193
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,560
The moment we have been
working for all these centuries
194
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,800
is at hand.
195
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,240
Centuries?
196
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,200
Our moment of
eternal triumph awaits.
197
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,800
Triumph.
198
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,480
And you will be a tool
of that glorious destiny.
199
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,880
Glorious tool. Yeah.
200
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,080
OK.
201
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,800
I'll, um, be off then.
202
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,400
Get it over with.
203
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,000
No, I want to get it over with,
obviously, but,
204
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,800
I'll be popping along.
205
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,800
Great. Fine. Yeah.
206
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,240
Ciao!
207
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,640
What's that mean?
208
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,560
"Ciao", it's Italian.
209
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,320
It means "food".
210
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,720
Crowley was all in favour
of Armageddon in general terms.
211
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,960
But it was one thing to work
to bring it about,
212
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,920
and quite another
for it to actually happen.
213
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,320
- Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit!
- When Queen
214
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,560
released "Bohemian Rhapsody"...
215
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,000
Shit, shit, shit! Why me?
216
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,920
...in 1975, it was because--
217
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,640
You earned it,
Crowley, didn't you?
218
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:25,160
What you did to the M25
was a stroke of demonic
genius, darling.
219
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,240
The M25? Yeah, well...
220
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,200
Yeah, I'm glad it went down
so well.
221
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:30,680
Here are your instructions.
222
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,960
This is the big one, Crowley.
223
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,840
Mmm.
224
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,280
-Mind if I join you?
-Gabriel?
225
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,640
What an unexpected
pleasure.
226
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:15,880
It's been...
227
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,040
Quite a while, yes.
228
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,040
Why do you
consume that?
229
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,720
You're an angel.
230
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,280
It's sushi.
231
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,560
It's nice.
232
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,800
You dip it in soy sauce.
233
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,440
It's what humans do.
234
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,840
And if I am going to be
living here among them,
235
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,000
ahem, well, keeping up
appearances.
236
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,120
-Tea?
-I do not sully the temple
237
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,120
of my celestial body
with gross matter.
238
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,920
Obviously not.
239
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,400
-Nice suit.
-Yes, I like the clothes.
240
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,240
Pity they won't be around
much longer.
241
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,680
They won't?
242
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,880
We have reliable information
243
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,560
that things... are afoot.
244
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,040
-They are?
-Yes.
245
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,120
My informant suggests
that the demon...Crowley
246
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,200
may be involved.
247
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,080
You need to keep him
under observation
248
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,640
without, of course, letting him
know that's what you're doing.
249
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,080
I do know, yes.
I've been on Earth doing this
250
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,120
-since the beginning.
-So has Crowley.
251
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,120
It's a miracle
he hasn't spotted you yet.
252
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,400
Yes, I know.
253
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,560
Miracles are what we do.
254
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,320
Meet Deirdre and Arthur Young.
255
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,560
They live in the Oxfordshire
village of Tadfield.
256
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,000
Are we there yet,
Arthur?
257
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,200
I'm four minutes apart.
258
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,960
It's definitely
this way.
259
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,040
It's just the roads
look all different in the dark.
260
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,560
The nuns
said to come in
261
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,520
when they were four to five
minutes apart.
262
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,080
It's just an...
263
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,480
Oh, do we have
any egg and cress sandwiches?
264
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,640
Oh.
265
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,560
Oh!
266
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,200
Meet Harriet Dowling
267
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,080
and her husband, American
diplomat Thaddeus Dowling.
268
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,520
Breathe, honey. Just breathe.
269
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,400
I am breathing,
goddamn it, Tad!
270
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,360
-Why aren't you here?
-Honey, I'm with you.
271
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,360
I'm with you. I'm just also
here with the President.
272
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,520
Hey, Harriet, sorry we
had to borrow your husband.
273
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,720
Birth is the single
most joyous
274
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,680
co-experience that two human
beings can share,
275
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,480
and I'm not going to miss
a second of it.
276
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,520
Tad, if we could get
back to the matter at hand.
277
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,280
I'll get back to you, honey.
278
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,760
You're meant to be with me,
you useless son of a bi--
279
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,000
At some point
this evening,
280
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,440
Mrs Dowling will arrive.
281
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,160
She will undoubtedly have
Secret Service agents with her.
282
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,880
You are all to ensure that
they see nothing untoward.
283
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960
Sister Theresa and I will
deliver the Dowlings' child
284
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,920
in room four.
285
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,480
Once he has been born,
286
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:52,040
we will remove the baby boy
from the mother...
287
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,880
and give her back
our master's child.
288
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,520
Everything is ready.
289
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,520
Tonight, it begins.
290
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,800
Sister Mary Loquacious?
291
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,640
Yes, excuse me,
Mother Superior,
292
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,560
I was wondering where the other
baby was going to come from?
293
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,680
Not the American baby.
I mean, that's obvious.
294
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,080
It's just the birds
and the bees.
295
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,040
But, you know, the, um...
296
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,200
Master Crowley
is on his way
297
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,440
with our dark lord-to-be,
Sister Mary.
298
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,680
We do not need
to know more than that.
299
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,640
We are Satanic nuns
300
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,000
of the Chattering Order
of St Beryl.
301
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,720
And tonight is what our order
was created for.
302
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,320
Sister Grace,
303
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,320
you are on duty reception.
304
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,320
Sisters Maria Verbose
and Katherine Prolix,
305
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,400
you will assist
Sister Theresa.
306
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,600
The rest of you
know your duties.
307
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,840
Oh, it's an ambulance!
308
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,440
Places.
309
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,560
Excuse me,
Mother Superior.
310
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,280
I didn't get a job.
Probably an oversight.
311
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,160
Yes, of course.
312
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,960
You could make sure
there are biscuits.
313
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,600
The kind with pink icing.
314
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,000
I think we had a tin
in the convent larder.
315
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,400
Clear.
316
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,640
-Breathe, dear, breathe.
-I am breathing. Oh, God!
317
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,280
Excuse me.
Deirdre Young.
318
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,960
Contractions are now four--
four minutes apart!
319
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,440
Oh!
320
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,160
Welcome to St Beryl's,
Mrs Young.
321
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,760
We weren't expecting you
till next week.
322
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,480
Now, Arthur will be with me
while I'm in labour.
323
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,560
I'm afraid not.
324
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,480
We believe that
fathers just, uh,
325
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,480
complicate the process
for everybody.
326
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,320
We'll let him know
when to come up.
327
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,080
Well, I'm not going
to argue with nuns.
328
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,760
Nurses know what they're doing,
Deirdre.
329
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,520
I'll see you when it's--
330
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,960
She'll be in room three.
331
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,160
Right.
332
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:17,280
Good-- Good luck.
333
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,560
It may help
to understand human affairs
334
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,800
to know that most of
the great triumphs and
tragedies of history
335
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,040
are caused not by people being
fundamentally good
336
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,680
or fundamentally bad,
337
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,280
but by people being
fundamentally people.
338
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,800
You've left your lights on.
339
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,520
Oh.
340
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,880
Well, that's clever.
341
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,800
-It is infrared?
-Has it started yet?
342
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,040
-Um... they made me go out.
-Any idea how long we've got?
343
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,400
I think we were
getting on with it, doctor.
344
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,960
Got it. What room is she in?
345
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,640
-We're in room three.
-Room three, got it.
346
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,160
There's a trick they do
with three playing cards
347
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,800
which is very hard to follow.
348
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,720
And something like it,
for greater stakes
349
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,320
than a handful of loose change,
is about to take place.
350
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,200
Deirdre Young is
in delivery room three.
351
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,560
She has just given birth
to a golden-haired male baby
352
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,400
we will call "Baby A".
353
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,280
Harriet Dowling is giving birth
in delivery room four.
354
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,240
She is having
a golden-haired male baby
355
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,400
we will call "Baby B".
356
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,560
Psst.
357
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,800
Sister Mary Loquacious
is about to be handed
358
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,560
a golden-haired male baby
we will call "The Adversary,
359
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,400
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
360
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,000
Prince of This World
and Lord of Darkness."
361
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,880
-Is that him?
-Yup.
362
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,800
Only I'd expected
funny eyes,
363
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,040
or teensy-weensy
little hoofikins.
364
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,280
Or a wittle tail.
365
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,640
It's definitely him.
366
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,520
Fancy me holding
the Antichrist.
367
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,760
Counting his little
toesie-woesies.
368
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,880
Do you look like your daddy?
369
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,200
I bet he does.
370
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,920
Do you look like
your daddy-waddykins?
371
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,800
He doesn't.
Take him up to room three.
372
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,880
Room three. Do you think he'll
remember me when he grows up?
373
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,880
Pray that he doesn't.
374
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,920
Three babies.
375
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,720
Watch carefully.
376
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,080
Round and round they go.
377
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,760
Sister Mary,
what are you doing here?
378
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,560
Shouldn't you be taking
biscuits to the refectory?
379
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,480
Master Crowley said
to take the baby to room three.
380
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,240
Well, get on with it, then.
381
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,240
Has it happened yet?
382
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,040
I'm the father.
The husband. Both.
383
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,320
Oh, yes. Congratulations.
384
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,280
Your lady wife's asleep,
poor pet.
385
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,080
Twins? What?
386
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,240
Nobody said anything
about twins.
387
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,160
Oh, no, no.
This one's yours.
388
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,000
That one's... someone else's.
389
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,800
Just looking after him.
390
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:35,400
No, no, this one is definitely
yours, your ambassadorship,
391
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,800
from the top of his head to
the tips of his hoofy-woofies...
392
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,200
-which he hasn't got.
-Oh.
393
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,080
All, uh, ahem,
present and correct, is he?
394
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,240
Oh, yes. He's normal.
Very, very normal.
395
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,800
A boy!
396
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,640
Mr President.
397
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,840
I have the honour, sir,
to report myself the father
398
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,680
of a regular
Y-chromosomed son.
399
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,000
Now, we just have to take him
away for a minute to weigh him
400
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,640
and the usual.
401
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,400
This father-of-a-male-boy-son
402
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,280
is all yours,
Mr President.
403
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,760
Harriet. Yes!
404
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,440
Where's the baby?
405
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,120
Satan, give me strength.
406
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,960
Do you know where
our master's child is?
407
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,920
Sister Mary Loquacious has him
in room three.
408
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,640
Now, we call these biscuits.
409
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,240
But you'll be looking at them
and going, "Oh, cookies."
410
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,120
I call them biscuits.
411
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,840
As methods
of human communication go,
412
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,800
the human wink
is quite versatile.
413
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,120
For example,
Sister Theresa's meant...
414
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,720
Where the hell
have you been?
415
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,480
We're ready
to make the switch,
416
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,120
and here's you in the wrong room
with the Adversary,
417
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,480
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
418
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,720
Prince of This World,
Lord of Darkness, drinking tea.
419
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,320
And as far
as she was concerned,
420
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,160
Sister Mary's answering wink
meant...
421
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,800
This child is the Adversary,
422
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,800
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
423
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,040
Prince of This World
and Lord of Darkness.
424
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,520
But I can't talk now, because
there's this outsider here.
425
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,520
Sister Mary,
on the other hand,
426
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,040
had thought that
Sister Theresa's wink
427
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:20,520
was more on the lines of...
428
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,200
Well done, that,
Sister Mary.
429
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,080
Switched over the babies
all by herself.
430
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,560
Now, indicate to me
the superfluous child,
431
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,880
and I shall remove it
and let you get on with your tea
432
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,520
with His Royal Excellency,
the American ambassador.
433
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,800
Extra baby removal.
434
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,320
But I'm wittering on.
435
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,200
Where were you before
you took up this appointment?
436
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,520
Swindon.
437
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,200
Ohh!
438
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,600
Here's your little man back,
all cleaned up and weighed.
439
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,640
Look, honey. Our son.
440
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,000
He's beautiful, hon.
441
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,880
What a little tyke, huh?
442
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,040
Oh...
443
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,880
Seeing him makes me
understand
444
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,920
what's important in life.
445
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,560
It's not work.
446
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,560
I'm going to teach him
to play baseball.
447
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,400
And on Sundays,
we'll go fishing.
448
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,600
Tad!
449
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,720
Sorry, honey,
we'll call you back.
450
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,680
You must name the child.
451
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,000
Well, we were going
to name him Thaddeus,
452
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,000
after his dad
and his dad's dad.
453
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,640
Damien's an excellent name.
454
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,040
Damien Dowling?
455
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,880
Too alliterative.
456
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:36,800
Warlock, then.
457
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,680
It's an old English name.
458
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,480
A good name.
459
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,000
Hello, Warlock.
460
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,000
Damien?
461
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,720
No. I'd always fancied
something more,
462
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,680
well, traditional.
463
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,680
We've always gone in for good,
simple names
464
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,600
in our family.
465
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:03,880
Cain.
466
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,840
Very modern sound,
Cain, really.
467
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,320
Well, there's always...
468
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,800
I mean, there's always Adam.
469
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,840
Adam?
470
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,760
Hmm.
471
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:20,800
Adam.
472
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:23,960
Oh!
473
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,680
Ooh.
474
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,640
Come on, little one.
475
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,160
Do you know,
Deirdre, um...
476
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,560
I think he looks
like an Adam.
477
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,120
Oh.
478
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,080
Hello, Adam.
479
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:41,760
It would be nice
to think that the nuns
480
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,400
had the surplus baby
discreetly adopted.
481
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,760
That he grew to be
a happy, normal child,
482
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,400
and then grew further
to become a normal,
483
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,360
fairly contented adult.
484
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,560
And, perhaps, that is
what happened.
485
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,080
He probably wins prizes
for his tropical fish.
486
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,480
Call Aziraphale.
487
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,280
Calling Aziraphale.
488
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,320
Sorry,
all lines to London
489
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:09,680
are currently busy.
490
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,000
I'm afraid we're quite
definitely closed.
491
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,080
Aziraphale, it's me.
492
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,080
- We need to talk.
- Yes.
493
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,480
Yes, I rather think we do.
494
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,120
I assume this is about--
495
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,840
Armageddon. Yes.
496
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,760
Everyone knows
the best place
497
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,920
for a clandestine meeting
in London
498
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,440
is, and always has been,
St James's Park.
499
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,400
They say the ducks are so used
to being fed by secret agents
500
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,160
that they've developed
Pavlovian reactions to them.
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,000
Current theories on the
creation of the universe state
2
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,280
that if it were created
at all and didn't just start,
3
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:19,880
as it were, unofficially,
4
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,440
it came into being about
14 billion years ago.
5
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,040
The Earth is generally
supposed to be
6
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,560
about 4 1/2 billion
years old.
7
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,840
These dates are incorrect.
8
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:34,000
Some medieval scholars
put the date of the creation
at 3760 BC.
9
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,360
Others put creation
as far back as 5508 BC.
10
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,520
Also, incorrect.
11
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,080
Archbishop James Ussher
12
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,960
claimed that the Heaven
and the Earth
13
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,720
were created on Sunday,
the 21st of October, 4004 BC,
14
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,920
at 9:00 a.m.
15
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,600
This too was incorrect,
16
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,440
by almost a quarter
of an hour.
17
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,280
It was created at 9:13
in the morning.
18
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,440
Which was correct.
19
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,840
The whole business with
the fossilised
dinosaur skeletons
20
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,160
was a joke the palaeontologists
haven't seen yet.
21
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,040
This proves two things.
22
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,120
Firstly, that God does not
play dice with the universe.
23
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,920
I play an ineffable game
of my own devising.
24
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,200
For everyone else,
it's like playing poker
25
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,360
in a pitch-dark room,
for infinite stakes,
26
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,520
with a dealer who won't
tell you the rules,
27
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,120
and who smiles all the time.
28
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,040
Secondly,
the Earth is a Libra.
29
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,120
The entry for Libra
in The Tadfield Advertiser
30
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,440
on the night our history
begins reads as follows:
31
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:37,760
"You may be feeling rundown
32
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,720
and always
in the same daily round.
33
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,680
A friend is important to you.
34
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,440
You may be vulnerable
to a stomach upset today,
35
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,840
so avoid salads.
36
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,240
Help could come from
an unexpected quarter."
37
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,560
This was perfectly correct
on every count,
38
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,640
except for the bit
about the salads.
39
00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,600
To understand the true
significance
40
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:00,960
of what that means,
41
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,760
we need to begin earlier.
42
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,160
A little more than 6,000 years
earlier, to be precise.
43
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,320
Just after the beginning.
44
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:12,440
It starts, as it will end,
with a garden.
45
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,760
In this case,
the Garden of Eden.
46
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,880
And with an apple.
47
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,320
Go on.
48
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,400
This apple will give you...
49
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,440
It was a nice day.
50
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,320
All the days had been nice.
51
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,800
There had been rather
more than seven of them so far,
52
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,680
and rain hadn't
been invented yet.
53
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,680
But the storm clouds
gathering east of Eden
54
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,280
suggested that the first
thunderstorm was on its way.
55
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,080
And it was going
to be a big one.
56
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,240
Well, that went down
like a lead balloon.
57
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,040
Sorry, what was that?
58
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,280
I said, "Well, that went down
like a lead balloon."
59
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:43,400
Yes, yes, it did, rather.
60
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,120
Bit of an overreaction,
if you ask me.
61
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,680
First offence
and everything.
62
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,480
I can't see what's so bad
63
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,160
about knowing the difference
between good and evil anyway.
64
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,720
Well, it must be bad...
65
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,760
-Crawley.
-...Crawley.
66
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,320
Otherwise...
67
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,680
you wouldn't have
tempted them into it.
68
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,040
Oh, they just said, "Get up
there and make some trouble."
69
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,760
Well, obviously.
You're a demon.
70
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,360
It's what you do.
71
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,320
Not very subtle
of the Almighty, though.
72
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,720
Fruit tree in the middle
of a garden
73
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,480
with a "Don't Touch" sign.
74
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,800
I mean, why not put it
on the top of a high mountain?
75
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,640
Or on the moon?
76
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,200
Makes you wonder
what God's really planning.
77
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,680
Best not to speculate.
78
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,920
It's all part
of the Great Plan.
79
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,360
It's not for us
to understand.
80
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,800
It's ineffable.
81
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,920
The Great Plan's ineffable?
82
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,240
Exactly.
83
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,240
It is beyond understanding
84
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,360
and incapable of being put
into words.
85
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,440
Didn't you have
a flaming sword?
86
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,680
-Uh...
-You did. It was
flaming like anything.
87
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,080
What happened to it?
88
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,800
Uh...
89
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,040
Lost it already, have you?
90
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,880
-Gave it away.
-You what?
91
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,640
I gave it away.
92
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,560
There are vicious animals.
93
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,560
It's going to be cold out there.
And she's expecting already.
94
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,920
And I said, "Here you go.
Flaming sword. Don't thank me.
95
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,680
And don't let the sun
go down on you here."
96
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,560
I do hope I didn't do
the wrong thing.
97
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,200
Oh, you're an angel.
98
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,480
I don't think you can
do the wrong thing.
99
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,360
Oh, oh, thank--
100
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,000
Oh, thank you.
101
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,520
It's been bothering me.
102
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,120
I've been worrying, too.
103
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,680
What if I did
the right thing
104
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,520
with the whole
"eat the apple" business?
105
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:31,640
A demon can get
into a lot of trouble
106
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,320
for doing the right thing.
107
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,360
It'd be funny if we both
got it wrong, eh?
108
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,960
If I did the good thing
and you did the bad one.
109
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,000
No.
110
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,000
It wouldn't
be funny at all.
111
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,760
Well...
112
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,160
Good Omens, being
a narrative of certain events
113
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,760
occurring in the last 11 years
of human history,
114
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,080
in strict accordance,
as shall be shown,
115
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,560
with The Nice
and Accurate Prophecies
116
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,200
of Agnes Nutter, Witch.
117
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,920
It wasn't a dark
and stormy night.
118
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,880
But, don't let the weather
fool you.
119
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,720
Just because it's a mild night
120
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,160
doesn't mean that the forces
of evil aren't abroad.
121
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,280
They are.
122
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,440
They are everywhere.
123
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,280
Two demons lurk
at the edge of the graveyard.
124
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,200
They are pacing themselves,
125
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,880
and can lurk for the rest
of the night, if necessary.
126
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,120
With still enough
sullen menace left
127
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,520
for a final burst
of lurking around dawn.
128
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,120
Bugger this for a lark.
129
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,360
He should have been
waiting for us.
130
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,600
Do you trust him?
131
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,760
-Nope.
-Good.
132
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,080
It'd be a funny old world
if demons went around
133
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,600
trusting each other.
134
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,520
What's he calling himself
up here these days?
135
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,880
Crowley.
136
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,360
Here he comes now,
the flash bastard.
137
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,520
If you ask me,
he's been up here too long.
138
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,200
Gone native.
Enjoying himself too much.
139
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,000
Wearing sunglasses,
even when he doesn't need them.
140
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,640
- All hail Satan.
- All hail Satan.
141
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,840
Uh, hi, guys.
Sorry I'm late,
142
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,760
but you know how it
is on the A40 at Denham.
143
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,600
I tried to cut up
towards Chorleywood--
144
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,760
Now that we art all here, let us
recount the deeds of the day.
145
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,320
Of course.
146
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,720
Deeds, yeah.
147
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,280
I have tempted a priest.
148
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,720
As he walked down the street,
149
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,440
he saw all the pretty girls
in the sun.
150
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,280
I put doubt into his mind.
151
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,760
He would have been
a saint.
152
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,360
Now, within a decade,
we shall have him.
153
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,520
Yeah, nice one.
154
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,720
I have corrupted a politician.
155
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:37,040
Let him think that a tiny bribe
wouldn't hurt.
156
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,120
Within a year,
we shall have him.
157
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,960
Right, you'll like this.
158
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:46,520
I brought down every London area
mobile phone network tonight.
159
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,880
-Yeah?
-Yeah. It wasn't easy--
160
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,640
And what exactly has that done
to secure souls for our master?
161
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,000
Oh, come on,
think about it.
162
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,520
Fifteen million
pissed-off people
163
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,880
who take it out
on each other.
164
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,600
It's not exactly...
craftsmanship.
165
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,440
Well, head office
don't seem to mind.
166
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,400
They love me down there, guys.
167
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,520
Times are changing. So...
168
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,200
...what's up?
169
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,120
This is.
170
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:18,960
No.
171
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,960
Yes.
172
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,120
Already?
173
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,720
Yes.
174
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,280
And it's up to me to...?
175
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,440
Yes.
176
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,600
You know, listen, it...
177
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,160
...really isn't my scene.
178
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,400
Your scene.
179
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,440
Your starring role.
180
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,720
Take it.
181
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,600
Like you said,
182
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,400
times are changing.
183
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,640
They come to an end,
for a start.
184
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,000
Why me?
185
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,960
Well, they love you
down there.
186
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,600
And what an opportunity.
187
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,320
Ligur here would give
his right arm to be you tonight.
188
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,360
Or someone's right arm, anyway.
189
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,800
Sign here.
190
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,400
Now what?
191
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,120
You will receive
your instructions.
192
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,920
And why so glum?
193
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,560
The moment we have been
working for all these centuries
194
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,800
is at hand.
195
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,240
Centuries?
196
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,200
Our moment of
eternal triumph awaits.
197
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,800
Triumph.
198
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,480
And you will be a tool
of that glorious destiny.
199
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,880
Glorious tool. Yeah.
200
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,080
OK.
201
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,800
I'll, um, be off then.
202
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,400
Get it over with.
203
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,000
No, I want to get it over with,
obviously, but,
204
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,800
I'll be popping along.
205
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,800
Great. Fine. Yeah.
206
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,240
Ciao!
207
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,640
What's that mean?
208
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,560
"Ciao", it's Italian.
209
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,320
It means "food".
210
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,720
Crowley was all in favour
of Armageddon in general terms.
211
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,960
But it was one thing to work
to bring it about,
212
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,920
and quite another
for it to actually happen.
213
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,320
- Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit!
- When Queen
214
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,560
released "Bohemian Rhapsody"...
215
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,000
Shit, shit, shit! Why me?
216
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,920
...in 1975, it was because--
217
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,640
You earned it,
Crowley, didn't you?
218
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:25,160
What you did to the M25
was a stroke of demonic
genius, darling.
219
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,240
The M25? Yeah, well...
220
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,200
Yeah, I'm glad it went down
so well.
221
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:30,680
Here are your instructions.
222
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,960
This is the big one, Crowley.
223
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,840
Mmm.
224
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,280
-Mind if I join you?
-Gabriel?
225
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,640
What an unexpected
pleasure.
226
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:15,880
It's been...
227
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,040
Quite a while, yes.
228
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,040
Why do you
consume that?
229
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,720
You're an angel.
230
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,280
It's sushi.
231
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,560
It's nice.
232
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,800
You dip it in soy sauce.
233
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,440
It's what humans do.
234
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,840
And if I am going to be
living here among them,
235
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,000
ahem, well, keeping up
appearances.
236
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,120
-Tea?
-I do not sully the temple
237
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,120
of my celestial body
with gross matter.
238
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,920
Obviously not.
239
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,400
-Nice suit.
-Yes, I like the clothes.
240
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,240
Pity they won't be around
much longer.
241
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,680
They won't?
242
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,880
We have reliable information
243
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,560
that things... are afoot.
244
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,040
-They are?
-Yes.
245
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,120
My informant suggests
that the demon...Crowley
246
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,200
may be involved.
247
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,080
You need to keep him
under observation
248
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,640
without, of course, letting him
know that's what you're doing.
249
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,080
I do know, yes.
I've been on Earth doing this
250
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,120
-since the beginning.
-So has Crowley.
251
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,120
It's a miracle
he hasn't spotted you yet.
252
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,400
Yes, I know.
253
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,560
Miracles are what we do.
254
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,320
Meet Deirdre and Arthur Young.
255
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,560
They live in the Oxfordshire
village of Tadfield.
256
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,000
Are we there yet,
Arthur?
257
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,200
I'm four minutes apart.
258
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,960
It's definitely
this way.
259
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,040
It's just the roads
look all different in the dark.
260
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,560
The nuns
said to come in
261
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,520
when they were four to five
minutes apart.
262
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,080
It's just an...
263
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,480
Oh, do we have
any egg and cress sandwiches?
264
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,640
Oh.
265
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,560
Oh!
266
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,200
Meet Harriet Dowling
267
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,080
and her husband, American
diplomat Thaddeus Dowling.
268
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,520
Breathe, honey. Just breathe.
269
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,400
I am breathing,
goddamn it, Tad!
270
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,360
-Why aren't you here?
-Honey, I'm with you.
271
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,360
I'm with you. I'm just also
here with the President.
272
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,520
Hey, Harriet, sorry we
had to borrow your husband.
273
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,720
Birth is the single
most joyous
274
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,680
co-experience that two human
beings can share,
275
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,480
and I'm not going to miss
a second of it.
276
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,520
Tad, if we could get
back to the matter at hand.
277
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,280
I'll get back to you, honey.
278
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,760
You're meant to be with me,
you useless son of a bi--
279
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,000
At some point
this evening,
280
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,440
Mrs Dowling will arrive.
281
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,160
She will undoubtedly have
Secret Service agents with her.
282
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,880
You are all to ensure that
they see nothing untoward.
283
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960
Sister Theresa and I will
deliver the Dowlings' child
284
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,920
in room four.
285
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,480
Once he has been born,
286
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:52,040
we will remove the baby boy
from the mother...
287
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,880
and give her back
our master's child.
288
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,520
Everything is ready.
289
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,520
Tonight, it begins.
290
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,800
Sister Mary Loquacious?
291
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,640
Yes, excuse me,
Mother Superior,
292
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,560
I was wondering where the other
baby was going to come from?
293
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,680
Not the American baby.
I mean, that's obvious.
294
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,080
It's just the birds
and the bees.
295
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,040
But, you know, the, um...
296
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,200
Master Crowley
is on his way
297
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,440
with our dark lord-to-be,
Sister Mary.
298
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,680
We do not need
to know more than that.
299
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,640
We are Satanic nuns
300
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,000
of the Chattering Order
of St Beryl.
301
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,720
And tonight is what our order
was created for.
302
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,320
Sister Grace,
303
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,320
you are on duty reception.
304
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,320
Sisters Maria Verbose
and Katherine Prolix,
305
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,400
you will assist
Sister Theresa.
306
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,600
The rest of you
know your duties.
307
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,840
Oh, it's an ambulance!
308
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,440
Places.
309
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,560
Excuse me,
Mother Superior.
310
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,280
I didn't get a job.
Probably an oversight.
311
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,160
Yes, of course.
312
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,960
You could make sure
there are biscuits.
313
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,600
The kind with pink icing.
314
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,000
I think we had a tin
in the convent larder.
315
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,400
Clear.
316
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,640
-Breathe, dear, breathe.
-I am breathing. Oh, God!
317
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,280
Excuse me.
Deirdre Young.
318
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,960
Contractions are now four--
four minutes apart!
319
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,440
Oh!
320
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,160
Welcome to St Beryl's,
Mrs Young.
321
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,760
We weren't expecting you
till next week.
322
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,480
Now, Arthur will be with me
while I'm in labour.
323
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,560
I'm afraid not.
324
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,480
We believe that
fathers just, uh,
325
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,480
complicate the process
for everybody.
326
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,320
We'll let him know
when to come up.
327
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,080
Well, I'm not going
to argue with nuns.
328
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,760
Nurses know what they're doing,
Deirdre.
329
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,520
I'll see you when it's--
330
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,960
She'll be in room three.
331
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,160
Right.
332
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:17,280
Good-- Good luck.
333
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,560
It may help
to understand human affairs
334
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,800
to know that most of
the great triumphs and
tragedies of history
335
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,040
are caused not by people being
fundamentally good
336
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,680
or fundamentally bad,
337
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,280
but by people being
fundamentally people.
338
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,800
You've left your lights on.
339
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,520
Oh.
340
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,880
Well, that's clever.
341
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,800
-It is infrared?
-Has it started yet?
342
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,040
-Um... they made me go out.
-Any idea how long we've got?
343
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,400
I think we were
getting on with it, doctor.
344
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,960
Got it. What room is she in?
345
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,640
-We're in room three.
-Room three, got it.
346
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,160
There's a trick they do
with three playing cards
347
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,800
which is very hard to follow.
348
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,720
And something like it,
for greater stakes
349
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,320
than a handful of loose change,
is about to take place.
350
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,200
Deirdre Young is
in delivery room three.
351
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,560
She has just given birth
to a golden-haired male baby
352
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,400
we will call "Baby A".
353
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,280
Harriet Dowling is giving birth
in delivery room four.
354
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,240
She is having
a golden-haired male baby
355
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,400
we will call "Baby B".
356
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,560
Psst.
357
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,800
Sister Mary Loquacious
is about to be handed
358
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,560
a golden-haired male baby
we will call "The Adversary,
359
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,400
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
360
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,000
Prince of This World
and Lord of Darkness."
361
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,880
-Is that him?
-Yup.
362
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,800
Only I'd expected
funny eyes,
363
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,040
or teensy-weensy
little hoofikins.
364
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,280
Or a wittle tail.
365
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,640
It's definitely him.
366
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,520
Fancy me holding
the Antichrist.
367
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,760
Counting his little
toesie-woesies.
368
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,880
Do you look like your daddy?
369
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,200
I bet he does.
370
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,920
Do you look like
your daddy-waddykins?
371
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,800
He doesn't.
Take him up to room three.
372
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,880
Room three. Do you think he'll
remember me when he grows up?
373
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,880
Pray that he doesn't.
374
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,920
Three babies.
375
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,720
Watch carefully.
376
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,080
Round and round they go.
377
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,760
Sister Mary,
what are you doing here?
378
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,560
Shouldn't you be taking
biscuits to the refectory?
379
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,480
Master Crowley said
to take the baby to room three.
380
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,240
Well, get on with it, then.
381
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,240
Has it happened yet?
382
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,040
I'm the father.
The husband. Both.
383
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,320
Oh, yes. Congratulations.
384
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,280
Your lady wife's asleep,
poor pet.
385
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,080
Twins? What?
386
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,240
Nobody said anything
about twins.
387
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,160
Oh, no, no.
This one's yours.
388
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,000
That one's... someone else's.
389
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,800
Just looking after him.
390
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:35,400
No, no, this one is definitely
yours, your ambassadorship,
391
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,800
from the top of his head to
the tips of his hoofy-woofies...
392
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,200
-which he hasn't got.
-Oh.
393
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,080
All, uh, ahem,
present and correct, is he?
394
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,240
Oh, yes. He's normal.
Very, very normal.
395
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,800
A boy!
396
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,640
Mr President.
397
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,840
I have the honour, sir,
to report myself the father
398
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,680
of a regular
Y-chromosomed son.
399
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,000
Now, we just have to take him
away for a minute to weigh him
400
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,640
and the usual.
401
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,400
This father-of-a-male-boy-son
402
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,280
is all yours,
Mr President.
403
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,760
Harriet. Yes!
404
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,440
Where's the baby?
405
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,120
Satan, give me strength.
406
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,960
Do you know where
our master's child is?
407
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,920
Sister Mary Loquacious has him
in room three.
408
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,640
Now, we call these biscuits.
409
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,240
But you'll be looking at them
and going, "Oh, cookies."
410
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,120
I call them biscuits.
411
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,840
As methods
of human communication go,
412
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,800
the human wink
is quite versatile.
413
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,120
For example,
Sister Theresa's meant...
414
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,720
Where the hell
have you been?
415
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,480
We're ready
to make the switch,
416
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,120
and here's you in the wrong room
with the Adversary,
417
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,480
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
418
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,720
Prince of This World,
Lord of Darkness, drinking tea.
419
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,320
And as far
as she was concerned,
420
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,160
Sister Mary's answering wink
meant...
421
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,800
This child is the Adversary,
422
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,800
Destroyer of Kings,
Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
423
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,040
Prince of This World
and Lord of Darkness.
424
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,520
But I can't talk now, because
there's this outsider here.
425
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,520
Sister Mary,
on the other hand,
426
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,040
had thought that
Sister Theresa's wink
427
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:20,520
was more on the lines of...
428
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,200
Well done, that,
Sister Mary.
429
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,080
Switched over the babies
all by herself.
430
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,560
Now, indicate to me
the superfluous child,
431
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,880
and I shall remove it
and let you get on with your tea
432
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,520
with His Royal Excellency,
the American ambassador.
433
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,800
Extra baby removal.
434
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,320
But I'm wittering on.
435
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,200
Where were you before
you took up this appointment?
436
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,520
Swindon.
437
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,200
Ohh!
438
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,600
Here's your little man back,
all cleaned up and weighed.
439
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,640
Look, honey. Our son.
440
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,000
He's beautiful, hon.
441
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,880
What a little tyke, huh?
442
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,040
Oh...
443
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,880
Seeing him makes me
understand
444
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,920
what's important in life.
445
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,560
It's not work.
446
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,560
I'm going to teach him
to play baseball.
447
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,400
And on Sundays,
we'll go fishing.
448
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,600
Tad!
449
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,720
Sorry, honey,
we'll call you back.
450
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,680
You must name the child.
451
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,000
Well, we were going
to name him Thaddeus,
452
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,000
after his dad
and his dad's dad.
453
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,640
Damien's an excellent name.
454
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,040
Damien Dowling?
455
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,880
Too alliterative.
456
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:36,800
Warlock, then.
457
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,680
It's an old English name.
458
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,480
A good name.
459
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,000
Hello, Warlock.
460
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,000
Damien?
461
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,720
No. I'd always fancied
something more,
462
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,680
well, traditional.
463
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,680
We've always gone in for good,
simple names
464
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,600
in our family.
465
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:03,880
Cain.
466
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,840
Very modern sound,
Cain, really.
467
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,320
Well, there's always...
468
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,800
I mean, there's always Adam.
469
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,840
Adam?
470
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,760
Hmm.
471
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:20,800
Adam.
472
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:23,960
Oh!
473
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,680
Ooh.
474
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,640
Come on, little one.
475
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,160
Do you know,
Deirdre, um...
476
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,560
I think he looks
like an Adam.
477
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,120
Oh.
478
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,080
Hello, Adam.
479
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:41,760
It would be nice
to think that the nuns
480
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,400
had the surplus baby
discreetly adopted.
481
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,760
That he grew to be
a happy, normal child,
482
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,400
and then grew further
to become a normal,
483
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,360
fairly contented adult.
484
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,560
And, perhaps, that is
what happened.
485
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,080
He probably wins prizes
for his tropical fish.
486
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,480
Call Aziraphale.
487
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,280
Calling Aziraphale.
488
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,320
Sorry,
all lines to London
489
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:09,680
are currently busy.
490
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,000
I'm afraid we're quite
definitely closed.
491
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,080
Aziraphale, it's me.
492
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,080
- We need to talk.
- Yes.
493
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,480
Yes, I rather think we do.
494
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,120
I assume this is about--
495
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,840
Armageddon. Yes.
496
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,760
Everyone knows
the best place
497
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,920
for a clandestine meeting
in London
498
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,440
is, and always has been,
St James's Park.
499
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,400
They say the ducks are so used
to being fed by secret agents
500
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,160
that they've developed
Pavlovian reactions to them.
